Saturday, November 15, 2008

I Think It's Time

Since Paris died I swore her room would never ever change!!! Although, anyone is welcome in we keep the door shut. You can play with her toys but, you can't move anything else. The boys and Dallis love having tea parties in there, in the morning. Everything is the same as it was the day of the accident, although, it has become a holding place for all the wonderful letters and stuffed animals since she died. The clothes are still on her dresser the way I left them when I ran to the pool.
Some don't understand why this is so hard, it's just a room! When you lose someone physically and all you have left are pictures, video's, clothes, bedrooms, toys it's hard to let those things go too. All you want to do is keep anything you have alive, hence not wanting anything in her room to change!! There is a smell in her room that is just hers and if we open the door it will be gone. If we open the door things will change and it will slowly not be just her room. Now that we have 2 little girls and 2 little girl rooms (Dallis' and Paris') it seems silly to not use Paris' room for Lexis. Because, it's just a room RIGHT? Well, after months (almost 5 to be exact) I have really been praying hard to find the strength to put one of the girls in Paris' room. My mom has been telling me for 2 years now it would be an honor! I have just been blowing her off, I am sooooo afraid of the pain that will follow!! Now, that I am at probably the last month of Lexis sleeping in her bed I feel a sense of urgency to make "a" move, yet I have so much inner turmoil!! I know Paris would love to "share" a room with one of her sisters and it would be an honor. I know in the scheme of things it doesn't really matter, but for me it does right now. I know I am brave enough to do it, I just have to find it in me to do it!! Plus, we have to get Skyler on board..... He does NOT want to do it!! He wants to put one of them in the craft room!! I have asked him to pray about it and let me know, I still haven't heard from him yet :)

Ya, I think she's done?

Paris' room is darling....It shouldn't be left vacant


Lewis Family said...

I know this is one of the hardest things for you to do. I agree with your mom. I think it would be an honor to be in Paris' room. I know if you all keep praying for strength, it will come. HE will be your anchor and your memories of your sweet girl will always live in your hearts and mind and get you through. We are here for you ALWAYS...just like you are for me!

Rannie said...

Just want to send my love and let you know that I am praying for you, and for Skyler to make the best decision for YOU. Don't rush, or feel rushed, or feel like now that you have blogged it that it has to happen before you are ready. I love you!

roxanne said...

Paris' room is indeed darling and yes it would be such an honor to share it with her sister...but you and your family are the only ones who know if and when the time is right. Don't force it just because you think it's the right thing to do right now.

You are doing such an amazing job handling everything that is within your control and I admire your faith to trust the Lord to handle the rest.